This post shares 10 simple tips for having meaningful conversations with kids!
Looking for tips to make conversations with your kids more meaningful? We’ve got you covered!
10 tips for having meaningful conversations with your kids…
1. Make talking a routine
Get in the habit of having meaningful conversations on a regular basis!
Think of having conversations with your kids as a muscle. If you never use it, you will most certainly lose it. Whereas, on the the other hand, the more you and your kids are used to conversing, the easier it will get!
Prioritizing family dinner at least a few nights a week is a perfect place to start!
On another note: don’t force it! Having fun, lighthearted conversations is equally important. There are times when you’re not in the mood to discuss certain things and what you really need is to talk about something else to get your mind off of it before opening up.
At the end of the day, make sure talking is a routine part of your family! You may not be the biggest talker, or maybe it feels awkward at first, but the underlying sentiment will leave your kids feeling cared for and loved and it will get easier with time.
P.S. If you’re looking to add meaningful traditions to your family, this post is for you!
2. Don’t always ask “how was your day?”
The dreaded question! Switch it up!
Okay, asking this question from time to time is perfectly fine – you do care how their day went after all! But this question is vague! And vague questions can sometimes get vague answers.
Instead here are a few alternatives to getting the conversation going:
- What went well/didn’t go well with…?
- Did you enjoy…?
- How do you feel _______ is going?
- What did you do today?
- What was the best thing that happened to you today?
- If your child does share something, you can follow up with, “tell me more.”
- And sometimes starting with sharing something from your day lends itself to having someone want to share too!
3. Resist the urge to jump straight into fix-it mode
Sometimes, people just want to talk or vent and simply have someone listen.
After your child shares something with you, before jumping into problem solving mode ask, “do you want me to listen some more or do you want my advice?“
4. Phones are nowhere to be seen or heard
Gosh, this is a powerful one.
Studies have shown that people are far more present and sense the other person’s presence when phones are completely out of sight.
In fact, having protected time each day where phones are automatically stored away is a wonderful family value that will lead to more discussions.
5. Count to 6
Too often, when someone is talking, we’re thinking about what we want to say in response before the person who’s sharing has even finished their sentence.
Next time your kid is sharing something with you, count to six after they finish their sentence and before you respond.
Oftentimes what comes after the six-second count will blow you away!
As a teacher, I use this strategy all the time and you’d be shocked at how much more teens say if I count to six in my head whenever they pause or it seems like they are done talking.
6. Actually listen and lead with curiosity
Be present in the conversation and ask questions about what they share. Listen for the sake of listening and gaining an understanding of whatever it is they are telling you!
Even if you’re met with an eye roll, ask clarifying questions anyway. Chances are they actually enjoying explaining something to you! And, asking a follow up question tells your kid you’re listening.
7. Use phrases such as “tell me more” and “I remember when…”
It can be really vulnerable to share!
But when you say, “tell me more”, you are giving full permission for your kid (or anyone!) to share as the subtext is, I’m here. You have my full attention.
Similarly, if you notice, are aware of, or even sense your kid may be experiencing something that would be helpful to talk out or get some reassurance, start with “you know, I remember a time…” and share (in an age-appropriate way) a time you had a similar experience or emotion.
I used this with my toddler the other day, and she looked up at me and said, “that happened to you too?!”, and you could see the relief and comfort wash over her.
8. The power of car rides, walks, or any other “side by side” moments.
In other words, some conversations are best saved for when you’re not at the dinner table.
Sitting face-to-face can feel like an interview.
Being next to each other can feel far less stressful, allowing for the conversation to go deeper and more to be shared.
Bedtime is also a wonderful time to decompress and share about the day. And no, your kids are never too old to put them to bed!
One great activity to do for meaningful conversation is to share your rose (good part), thorn (not-so-good or hard part), and bud (something you’re looking forward to).
And just so you don’t leave your kid to fall asleep on a heavy note, bookending the conversation with a quick gratitude, silver lining, or what they can do about it helps! Teaching your kids to “put the day to bed, so to speak, is an invaluable skill!
9. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions.
There are times when hard or uncomfortable conversations need to happen.
Take the lead and lean into the discomfort. Even if the conversation is clunky! You can even start with, “I”m not really sure how to ask you this but…”
These types of conversations are too important to skip out on, and your kids need your guidance! You are their lighthouse! Plus asking tells your kid that you care! The sentiment will not be lost upon them.
10. Have questions in your back pocket
You may be skeptical of this one, but after being a teacher for almost 10 years, I still can’t believe how well this one works.
It’s okay to ask them (somewhat) organically or you can work through a set of questions as a family.
Don’t know what to ask? Download our 30 thoughtful Questions and we’ll send them straight to your inbox!
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